Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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