I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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