fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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