I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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