saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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