This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
