I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
