at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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