I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
