I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
