You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
