There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
