Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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