So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
