I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
