i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
