Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Randomize
