I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
