I hate your face
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
