Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
