Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
