and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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