Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
