I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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