Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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