addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
