doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
