She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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