My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
