Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
