Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
