Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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