When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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