were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That accounts for only three of the penises
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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