do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
