Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
