I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
