i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
how drunk are you?
Several
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
