He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
