she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it's like iHOP with fire
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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