booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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