I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
