got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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