So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
