In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
