So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
