why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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