ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
