when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
