Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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