today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
