He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
