Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
