Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
