He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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