so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize