WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
