YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize