I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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