Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize