These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
