I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
