Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
