i need an iv and a liver transplant
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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