Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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