Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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