to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
