I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My dick has a subreddit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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