Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
