my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
