foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
