hell yes lets make some ravioli
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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