can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
