I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
