Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
