I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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