I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
