found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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