There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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