i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
