wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What drink are we having for lunch?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
