im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
