saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
