I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
