If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
