Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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