Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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