So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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