Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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