Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
