last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
