One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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