I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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