I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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